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Kozo's Thoughts
Random, Weird, and 100% 石黒光司
J-to-E #10 - God Hates Japan 2 
Wednesday July 22nd, 2009 18:47
Ohta Kouzou
Michael, over at Sagas of Saga, posted another installment of God Hates Japan, so I did a translation just to get back into the habit.

It was perfectly good place. I mean, Saitama isn't exactly the Congo. The fact that they had abandoned this world and its inhabitants was humiliating. My friend Tetsu couldn't seem to believe it either, and he told me a story he heard about the Mormons. I don't know what to call him, either the parish priest or the father, gathered all the young boys in a room, once a month, to preach on the evils of masturbation. He'd give all the boys a special pen with invisible ink, and a piece of paper and made them all draw a mark the size of a big coin for each time they masturbated in the last month. He'd collect all the papers, post the papers on the wall using pins, and dim the lights. Then, the room would be covered in stars. It actually sounded like a beautiful scene. Anyway, the priest would call this "the world of sin," or some such thing, and told the young Mormons that their mission for next month was to make all the stars disappear.

Obviously Tetsu and I were curious as to how the female version of this lesson went, but all we could do was imagine.

04

What, me? I was born in 1975, just north of Tokyo. My only sibling is my sister Mariko, born in 1970, but her sensibilities were so far from mine that sometime I thought she must have been born in 1955.

If you asked her what kind of person she thought she was, the first thing she'd mention would be how she owned every product made by (the fashion brand) Burberry. If Burberry made tampons, Mariko would definitely have bought them. When she was young, the thing she was most into was a cheap copy band of the 80's group Duran Duran, made up of foreigners. Even now, she goes out every Monday to Harajuku to remember the days she danced in front of the gymnasium in full rockabilly gear. How embarrassing. It really is the worst. The greatest fights we had occurred after I drew boobs and fangs on the covers her precious concert pamphlets from 1982 to 1986.

十分にいいところだった。だって、埼玉はコンゴじゃないんだろう。彼女たちが、そんな世界とそこに暮らす人々を見捨てたことはあまりに屈辱的だった。親友のテツもまた、信じられないといった様子で、モルモン教徒について聞いた話を教えてくれた。なんて呼べばいいのか分からないが、その教区司祭か神父かが、ひと月に1回、少年たちを一室に集めて、マスターベーションの罪悪について説いたことを。全員に特殊な透明インクのペンと紙を渡し、前の月にマスターベーションした回数分だけ、コイン大の印を付けさせた。それから紙を全て回収し、壁に画鋲で留めてから明かりを消すと、部屋にたくさんの星が現れた。それは実際、とても美しそうだった。とにかく、司祭はそれを「罪の世界」とかそんな名前で呼び、翌月の若いモルモン教徒たちの使命は、その星を全て消していくこととなった。

突然、僕とテツは、これの女の子バージョンがどんなものなのかは、ただ想像するしかなかった。

04

えっ、僕かい?僕は一九七五年東京の少し北で生まれた。たった一人のきょうだいは、一九七〇年生まれの姉のマリコだったが、彼女の感受性が僕とあまりにかけ離れていたため、それこそ一九五五年に生まれたんじゃないかと思えたほどだ。

自分はどういう人間と思うかを、彼女に聞いてみれば、ひとこと目からたぶん、バーバリーの全商品を所有していることを自ら話し始めるだろう。もしバーバリーがタンポンを作っていたら、マリコなら絶対に買ってるはずだ。彼女が若い時に最も熱中していたのは、八〇年代のデュラン・デュランをパックた安っぽい外国人バンドだった。未だに彼女は、月曜毎に原宿へ出かけており、体育館の外でロカビリーの衣装を着て踊っていた時代のことをよく覚えている。なんて恥ずかしいなんだろう。本当に最悪だ。僕ら姉弟の最大のケンカは、僕がフェルトペンで、彼女が大切にしていた一九八二年から一九八六年のミュージック・ライブの表紙に、オッパイや牙を描き込んだ後に起きた。
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