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Kozo's Thoughts
Random, Weird, and 100% 石黒光司
Who the fuck is Andrew Wattie? (And what the hell is the Conservation Party?) 
Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 18:39
Ohta Kouzou
If you live in the vast riding of Westmount – Ville-Marie you might be asking these very questions. In anticipation of the upcoming by-election (soon to be general election), the riding is currently littered with posters for Andrew Wattie of the (Independent) Conservation Party. The posters are very simple and contain an old black and white picture of Wattie, his affiliation, his e-mail and a phone number. Seeing the posters I myself was asking those exact questions, but was not brave enough to email or phone the guy for details. I figured he was running on some sort of environmental platform, but for all I knew he could be trying to conserve our bodily fluids. Well it turns out the answers to these very questions can be found on some telephone poles under Wattie signs. Wattie provides a manifesto in both official languages that basically give you all you need to answer these question. But rather than having you go out and search for one of these elusive posters, I'll provide you with the Wattie manifesto so you can get on with your life.

Since the manifesto was written in a monospaced font (possibly on a typewriter), I have dutifully recreated the document line-by-line behind the cut. The blank space at the top left was occupied by a photocopied picture of Wattie (the same one used in the posters. I have also redacted two lines from the bottom of the manifesto which gave Wattie's phone number and street address. Finally Wattie signs the manifesto "Andy Wattie' at the bottom right using very standard cursive.

                       PARTI DE LA CONSERVATION, Westmount - Ville-Marie
                       election fédérale du 8 septembre.

                       LE CANDIDAT: Andy Wattie est originaire de Montréal,
                       un graduant de Sir George à l'Université Concordia
                       et il a étudié la technologie architecturale a CGEPT.
                       Il est végétarien et un courent enthousiaste.  Cette
                       année il a voyagé en Inde et au Mexique en vue d'
                       amener des techniques environementales raisonables.

                       CONSERVATION Party, Westmount - Ville-Marie.

                       THE CANDIDATE: Andy Wattie is a native of Montreal,
                       a graduate of Sir George, Concordia University and
                       has studied architectural technology at CGEPT.  He is
                       a vegan and a running enthusiast.  This year he
                       travelled to India and Mexico as part of his campaign
                       to help bring about sound environmental practices.

LE PROGRAMME: La population humaine dé passe ses besoins.  Il existe une façon
naturelle pour régler le dilemme d'avoir 6 milliards d'humain se rapprochant
du 7 milliards.  Les faire travailler plus en harmonie entre eux est possible.
En s'interessant à la famille élargi de chaque individu, une methode de travail
peut être dégagée.  Une personne dans un cercle d'environ cinquante members d'
une famille élargi serait choisi comme étant le plus représentatif des membres,
génétiquement parlant.  Les femmes auraient en mayenne deux enfants et seraient
encouragées à rester à la maison avec leaur parents pour décourager une procré-
ation plus importante.  Ce processus pourrait éventuellement devenir un phé-
noméne mondial et serait employé jusqu'à ce que la population humaine soit ré-
duite à des proportions plus raisonables.

On pourrait voir le monde comme eetant divisé en vingt reegions qyant des front-
ieres naturelles.  Chaque avrait sa capitale et l'ile de Cyprés serait la
capitale du monde.  Winnipeg deviendrait la capitale de la région s'étendant
de l'est canadien, à l'est états-uniens d'amérique jusqu'aux Îles des Caràibes.

Ce programme pourrait être mis en place grâce à des négotiations diplomatiques
entre les gouvernements géopolotiques actuels sur une période d'un demi siècle.
Alors la paix de la balance naturelle serait restorée. Des linguistes auraient
la résponsabilité de créer un language propre à chaque région en s'inspirant
des langues parlées à cet endroit lors de la fondation de la région.  De plus
un language mondial serait apporté par Cyprés ou les language du monde se
retrouveraient toutes.

THE PROGRAM: Human population  numbers exceed need.  A natural way around the
delemma of 6 billion humans going on 7 billion, to numbers working more in
harmony with themselves and with the other species, is possible.  By tapping
into each person's extended family a working method can be brought about.  One
out of about fifty extended family members would be called upon to be the one
each extended family would feel would be the best suited to represent its members
in the human gene pool.  Females would have on average two children but would
stay at home with their parents so as to discourage further procreation.  This
process would eventually become a world-wide phenomenon, and would be employed
until humanity's numbers were reduced to a reasonable figure.

The world would be broken up into twenty naturally frontiered regions, each
with its capital and with the island of Cyprus as the world's capital.
Winnipeg would become the capital of this region streaching from eastern Canada,
through the eastern USA and down into the Caribbean Islands.

This program would advance through diplomatic negotiations with the present
geo-political governments over a half century period, and the peace of nature's
balance would be restored.  Linguists would be employed to bring about a
language for each region using the languages spoken there as its foundation,
and a world language would be brought about out of Cyprus, where the languages
of the world would be brought together.

Comments 
Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 23:51 (UTC)
...that is off the hook. What a crazy guy... is "wold languae" [sic]?

It reminds me of a paper I bought in Toronto, one which is sold by homeless vendors... back when I was doing my B.Ed it was a fringey, spacey but fine publication. Now it's become more insane, with a photoshop of Ariel Sharon's eyes above a banner reading "IT'S A FACT: ZIONISTS CONTROL THE MEDIA" and, my personal favourite, links to a site called "vaticanassassins.org" - which sort of sounds right up your alley.
Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 23:55 (UTC)
That was actually a typo on my part, I started getting sloppy with my copy editting near the end. Thanks for the catch!
Wednesday September 3rd, 2008 0:01 (UTC)
Totally unintentional, I promise. Glad to see you posting again!
Thursday September 4th, 2008 20:12 (UTC)
...fascinating.

Thank you for taking the time to get all this digitized.
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